Grief (see also Death/Dying)

Grief may not feel normal but it is. Everyone will grieve in their own way.  When a child grieves, you might not even realize that they're grieving. Kids process and display complex emotions differently than adults. However, that doesn’t mean the grief is not happening and that a child isn’t affected by their emotions. Children aren’t too young to grieve.

BRIEF SUMMARY

Grief may not feel normal but it is. Everyone will grieve in their own way.  When a child grieves, you might not even realize that they’re grieving. Kids process and display complex emotions differently than adults. However, that doesn’t mean the grief is not happening and that a child isn’t affected by their emotions. Children aren’t too young to grieve.

See also Death/Dying.

KEY POINTS

  • No bereaved child or young person will respond to the death of someone close in the same way.
  • Allow the bereaved child or young person to say how they feel and do not be offended if they are angry with you or do not want to talk.
  • Give the bereaved child or young person the time to explore their grief and support them as they mourn.

RESOURCES

SHARED WISDOM

  • Question (ASCA Scene, January 2023): I know I have seen posts similar to this before, but I can’t seem to locate them.  I work at a primary school (PreK-1st).  I have had two students recently lose a loved one. One student lost a parent to cancer, and the other student lost a younger sibling to an issue the sibling has had since birth.  Helping these students has made me realize that I need to add to my library some children’s books for grief.  Any suggestions for children’s books I need to look at adding to my library?
    • Responses:
      • The Invisible String is a good one to have on hand!
      • The Dougy Center might have additional resources that are helpful.
      • Suggested Books
        • Understanding Grief-Helping Yourself Heal-Alan Wolfelt
        • Water Bugs and Dragon Flies-Explaining Death to Children• Doris Stickney
        •  Complete Book About Death For Kids-EarlGrollman and Joy Johnson
        • A Memory for Tino -Leo Buscaglia
        • Chester Raccoon and The Acorn full of Memories-Audrey Penn ·
        • Gentle Willow-AStory for children About Dying-Joyce C. Mills
        • Geranium Morning-Sandy Powell
        • Goodbye Rune-Marit Kaldhol and Wenche Oyen (the story of a friend who drowns/explaining death)
        • Grief Is Like a Snowflake-Activity and Idea Book-Julia Cook
        • Grief Is Like a Snowflake -Julia Cook
        • I Had A Friend Named Peter-Talking To Children About the Death of A Friend-Janice Cohn
        • Lifetimes-The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children• Bryan Mellonie andRobert lngpen
        • Liplap’s Wish-Jonathan London and Sylvia Long
        • Memories LiveForever-A Memory Book For Grieving Children• Sharon Rugg
        • Old Pig-Margaret Wild
        • Gentle Willow: A Story for Children About Dying Joyce Mills
        • Half a World Away (friends who are not reunited) Libby Gleeson
        • I Miss You: A First Look at Death Pat Thomas
        • Lifetimes Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen
        • Sad Isn’t Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss
        • Samantha Jane’s Missing Smile: A Story About Coping with Loss of a Parent Julie Kaplow and Donna Pincus
        • Someone I Love Died (workbook) Wendy Deaton
        • The Boy Who Didn’t Want to be Sad Rob Goldblatt
        • The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages Leo Buscaglia
        • Tough Boris (expressing sad feelings) Mem Fox
        • When Someone Has a Very Serious Illness: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief Marge Heegaard
        • When Someone Very Special Dies Marge Heegaard
        • Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You Nancy Tillman
        • Someone I love just died: What happens now? Jill Johnson-Young
        • Someone is sick: How do I say goodbye? Jill Johnson-Yppung
        • The Memory Box Joanna Rowland
      • I like to do a memory scrapbook with students who have experienced the death of someone close to them. The student brings to school (or a parent emails) pictures, the obituary, and funeral program to include in the book – if available. We work on it together for a few weeks, providing the student a safe confidential place to talk about their loved one.  I have a free download on TPT under The Whole Wellness Counselor, here is the link You & I Memory Book, for the book I use. I also like the book “Tear Soup” by Pat Schwiebert. It’s analogy is probably better understood by students age 8 and up.
  • Question: I am looking for a good resource to use in processing with a student whose father passed away unexpectedly.  She is almost 15 years old, but is in our life skills program and functions around a preschool level. She has limited verbal communication.
    • Responses:
    • I would recommend reaching out to Brooke’s Place. They may have some tips or help to support your student. Here is a link to their website that has some of their resources.  https://www.brookesplace.org/index.php/about-brooke-s-place/brooke-s-place-resources
    • Contact hospice groups.  They have materials for young children to help them understand death.
    • Coalition for Support Grieving Students.
    • Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children  is a simple book for young children.  I have used this book on many occasions to explain the cycle of life when a loved one has died.    Another book I have recently been using with children is The Invisible String which helps children understand how we are always connected to those we have loved and have died.
    • I like Grief is a snowflake by Julia Cook.  I’ve had students create snowflakes or continue working on a grief/memory book.   Depending on her developmental level. I also you the grief book done by Sesame Street.
  • Question: Does anyone have any good resources that they use for staff and students when they have lost a student?  (from Counselor Talk, November 2018)
  • From Counselor Talk:
    • Q: What is a good book recommendation for an adolescent who lost a brother? A: Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens by Alan Wolfelt.
    • A: Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas by Alan Wolfelt has great ideas.
      He also has a great book (includes all age levels) which is good for counselors and also to loan out to parents: Finding the Words: How to Talk with Children and Teens about Death, Suicide, Homicide, Funerals, Cremation, and other End-of-Life Matters.  His website is: https://www.centerforloss.com
  • www.willowgreen.com has excellent materials for adults experiencing grief. (and the author/photographer lives in Fort Wayne!) Counselortalk, March 2018

CONTENT FEEDBACK

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